The Night I gave my life to Christ was a dark and cloudy night indeed. That night I had once again had an ugly argument with my then boyfriend. He was smelling of igbo so that meant that he had either taken it or sat close to people who took it (as he would say). Either ways, his anger was fierce as usual for something stupid I had done, which was collecting the number of a girl who said she was pregnant from his phone and calling her to ask if he was her boyfriend since he had said this person was his cousin. He found out this my detective job and this was the source of our conflict.
I sat there and all of a sudden the stupidity of my situation dawned on me. I turned to God. Lord is this truly the kind of life you want me to live? Tell me tonight! I am not leaving here till you tell me if you want me to stay in this relationship or not…
I saw the signs that I wasn’t happy in this relationship but at the same time I had fears. I wanted reassurance; I wanted to hear from God’s mouth that He wanted me to leave this relationship where I had had two abortions because my future wasn’t certain with someone else… do people really get married to women who have had abortions in the past?
The fact that I added TONIGHT in my prayer was one of the best things that ever happened to me. God answered me THAT NIGHT!
He didn’t answer with a voice. I heard no voice.
He answered with His peace.
All of a sudden I felt these hands wrapped around me; I mean I tangibly felt it. It was that real. In those arms were strength, in those arms were peace and in those arms was love.
I didn’t know it at the time, but I had just experienced the love arms of God wrapped around me.
The second time I would experience this was in the year 2017 on my birthday, the day God renamed me Hephzibah.
The next time I can distinctly remember when I felt this blanket of love pulled over my entire being was a day in the year where I was struggling with terrible guilt. God had been waking me up at 3am everyday for almost a year and I would go right back to sleep knowingly and deliberately refusing to stay awake. the sleep just wouldn’t let me be great with God. Then one night I was at a meeting and felt so bad because I knew I was loosing things as a regard of this one disobedience to God. I went home depressed and determining to wake up that night! Alas it was 6am the next morning I opened my eyes. I felt so bad. Just as I lay there on the bed castigating myself, all of a sudden I tangibly felt that love blanket wrapped around me again. It was so overwhelming I started to cry. It was healing tears from my striving to spend time with God and my wanting to do it in my own power. The funny thing was that imbedded in those arms was God telling me He loves me just as I am even though I felt I wasn’t meeting up to a ‘spiritual schedule’ He had set for me. It was crazy. it was crazy love. I walked in a haze all through that day; free of condemnation and guilt and shame. Gosh! It was so freeing! That yes He wants me to spend time with Him but He wasn’t berating me for not doing so. His love is constant and never changing!
This year from before the period of my birthday, I started to feel this love arms of God again, speaking to me on my identity before Him.
He started to speak to me way before my birthday that I wasn’t struggling for significance; I simply was who I am before Him, loved, accepted and cherished. He was pleased and delighted in me (my name).
On my birthday itself, God showered such love upon me, days after I would be walking on the road, lifting my eyes to heaven and just saying “Father thank you for loving me. Jesus thank you for all you did for me because you love me”.
In this place where you see yourself as the beloved of the Lord, all mistakes are erased and all erros are forgotten. You simply are His delight.
I realized that what was happening to me was a revelation of the Love of the Father which is what Paul talks about in the book of Ephesians:
“…to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.”
Knowing the love of Christ is not knowledge that can be read in a book; its revelation that must be unveiled to you. You cannot really tell yourself that you are beautiful except you truly see yourself through the eyes of Jesus when He says you are so beautiful. I love you very much.
When God says ‘I love you’ to you, imbedded in those words are many different things.
I see you.
I love you just as you are.
You are currently the best version of you to me.
I wouldn’t trade you for anything else in the world.
I love you so much.
You please me.
I delight myself in you.
I love to hear your voice. I love to see you smile.
You are pleasant to me.
Just as you are, you are altogetehr beautiful to me.
You don’t need to struggle to gain acceptance with me.
You are free of all guilt, pain, shame and condemnation in my eyes.
I love you.
I smile even I write that but the truth is that God’s love for us is not mere knowledge but a revelation. That revelation is what God wants all His children to get.
I read/listened to something somewhere that many believers actually go through life without really recognizing how much God loves them and I imagine there are deeper levels to this. Each revelation of God’s love deeper than the next. That’s how you learn to love yourself, by seeing yourself through the eyes of the One who loves you. Not just that you love God but God loves you.
Just like the first time I felt the love arms of God, every time God brings me to this love place with god, I know they are really on my matter. The love of God is fierce and a weapon against lies, depression, discouragement and the deceit of satan over the children of God. So when God sees one of His children going into selfhate etc, its something He fights against with His love.
God doesn’t love you because of the you do or not do, He loves you JUST BECAUSE. Just because you are His own; You belong to Him and He belongs to you.
I don’t want to write so much because the love of God is a revelation that cannot be explained in words, but it can be tangibly felt and tangibly known just like the air you breathe. You can feel heaven singing over you and singing over you. You can feel the pleasure of God over you so much it thrills you. You can hear the Father literally beaming with pride over you; thats my daughter! Thats my son!
Your fears and anxieties can fade in this love. Your need to be seen, to be known by men can die away when you realize that the only One who truly matters sees you; He really sees you and He likes the you what He sees. Under this love you may be shocked to discover that He doesn’t remember what you did yesterday. Yes you didn’t pray at your quiet spot but who says that He didn’t hear your heart thoughts aall day as prayer.
Under this place of His love, you realize that you are forgiven, accepted, loved. Just like that that night where He came through for me and all of a sudden in His love I KNEW! Despite my abortions, He would accept me! I knew! This relationship isn’t it; He has better for me! I knew it! In His love I knew it! I knew I was beautiful and this wasn’t the end to me; somehow a new life was growing in me.. ALL IN HIS LOVE. IN HIS LOVE. IN HIS LOVE.
I pray for you today and I also want you to pray for yourself; that the love of God would become so TANGIBLY real and felt and experienced and known by you. That your insecurities and the lies of satan would fade under the blanket of His love and you would hear the whisper of His voice, calling your name, saying to you; I LOVE YOU and you would know THOSE WORDS FROM HIM are everything you need in the world to become. To hear and to know.
JESUS LOVES YOU is not a cliché; HE REALLY REALLY REALLY DOES. Let Him show you how much this is so. Go to Him; pray the prayer above. Heaven would visit you with his love in Jesus name amen.
JESUS LOVES YOU.
I felt God’s love so deep one time I couldn’t help but respond to it and give. I was looking for what to buy the cab man I was in a taxi with. I just wanted to give, That’s what receiving His love does for us.
Today i have three thigs to give to us.
1: I made THREE of my books half the cost on Okadabooks from now till the end of the month/till October 2020:
Get them on OKADABOOKS HERE
2: MY BIRTHDAY GIFTS – FREE EBOOKS ARE ALSO AVAILABLE FOR US TO DOWNLOAD NOW:
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Till next time, lots of love,